Prelude here: https://brendansversus.wordpress.com/2020/05/23/prelude-esdeath-vs-alucard/
Alright, the combatants are set. Let’s end this debate once and for all! It’s time for a Death Battle!
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The sun had finally gone down, with its scorching heat having quickly been replaced by the cold light of the moon. It was on this same night that the Capital found itself invaded by a rather oddly-dressed figure, one that was currently in the midst of wandering its streets.
He was dressed in a charcoal suit, leather riding boots, and an intricately knotted red cravat, covered by a full-length, red frock overcoat with a cape. A red fedora covered his shoulder-length black hair, while his eyes remained obscured by a pair of wire-framed, orange-tinted sunglasses that seemed to be glowing. His hands were covered by a pair of white gloves that contained black pentagram-like seals on their backs.
This man was known by many names. Vlad Tepes, The Impaler, The Son of the Devil, Dracula, but most knew him by his current alias: Alucard. As for the reason he was here, it was a simple one. His employer, Sir Integra Hellsing, had sent him out on a mission to kill the leader of this empire, a morbidly obese slob who went by the name of Honest. According to the reports he’d been given, this empire- or The Empire, as they’d called it- had been collaborating with Millennium. The records he’d looked through revealed that the two were currently supplying each other with various weapons and other items as part of a trade. Why they’d decided to start trading he didn’t know, nor did he really care. All that mattered to him was completing his mission, and his attitude certainly reflected that.
As he trudged through the Capital, entire battalions of soldiers had accosted him, and he’d responded by casually slaying them in various ways. Some had been beheaded, others had their brains blown out, and even a few had found themselves impaled on their own weaponry. Yet in spite of these gruesome acts, Alucard seemed to pay them no mind, instead choosing to continue his trek toward Honest’s current whereabouts. Looking up, he saw the imperial palace some distance ahead and gave a wide grin.
“It seems this is it… How interesting.” Hellsing’s Trump Card declared ominously in his deep, baritone voice. As he prepared to take another step forward, however, a woman’s voice suddenly called out.
“Interesting indeed.” Alucard looked toward the voice’s direction and found himself staring at its owner. She was pale-skinned, with piercing blue eyes and long, ice-blue hair that flowed down her backside. Her attire consisted of a general’s uniform with long sleeves, a dark blue scarf wrapped around her neck, and a pair of high-heeled stilettos. Her most notable feature was the odd-looking tattoo sitting above her massive breasts, but that was only in terms of physical appearance. Alucard could tell that there was something different about this woman compared to the others he’d seen in his life. He could sense a malevolent aura around her, one fueled by pure sadism and bloodlust, and needless to say, it intrigued him.
“Oh? And who might you be? Another one of the Empire’s lapdogs?” Alucard questioned. Upon hearing this, the woman gave a light chuckle.
“You invade the Capital and slaughter my men, yet you aren’t aware of my reputation? Then in that case, let me introduce myself. I am Esdeath, General of the Empire and the strongest in its ranks! But for now, you can call me by another title: your executioner.” Hearing this, the Nightwalker’s grin furthered in size as his glasses began to shine ominously in the moonlight.
“My executioner, hm? Well, I hope you can do better than the pathetic dogs that served under you.” As he spoke, Alucard pulled out two massive handguns from his overcoat, one silver and the other black, and pointed them toward her. For a brief second, the entire Capital was deathly quiet, with the silence only being broken as the red-eyed gunslinger fired off a round from both handguns.
As the lead shells approached her, Esdeath merely gave a light smirk. Then, a silver blur appeared in front of her as she unsheathed her rapier and swung it, casually deflecting the two projectiles. Her smug expression soon became one of surprise, however, as she noticed that one of the ricocheted slugs had left a crater in the side of a nearby building.
‘It seems his weapons are a bit more powerful than I thought.‘ Esdeath mused as her smirk returned. ‘Maybe this will actually be somewhat fun.’
With that, the blue-haired sadist rushed forward and began rapidly slashing at Alucard’s body. To her confusion, the vampire didn’t even bother dodging them, instead he chuckled while taking the swings head-on. Then she noticed why that was: the wounds she inflicted were regenerating at an extremely quick rate.
“Tell me, Esdeath. Is swordplay all you have? Because if so, then I trust you’re familiar with a certain expression…” Alucard began, still in the midst of healing. As she watched the bloodied gashes disappear, Esdeath noticed something out of the corner of her eye: her opponent had raised his right arm, intent on shooting her in the stomach. “‘You should never bring a knife to a gun fight.'” He finished as he pressed his finger against the Jackal’s trigger-
And then, much to his confusion, the entire limb suddenly fell to the ground, landing with a sickening SPLAT!
Before he could question how this was possible, Alucard suddenly felt something stab through the lower half of his head, with its tip exiting out the back of his skull. Looking down, he saw that Esdeath was responsible, a sadistic grin on her face as she stared into his eyes. She had expected to witness fear as the life drained from his body, much like the many countless others before him, but what she got was something completely different. The vampire’s eyes weren’t filled with fear; rather, they were instead displaying an extremely smug sense of arrogance.
“Pitiful! Though I shouldn’t expect any less from an invader who thinks he can beat the Empire with nothing more than guns and regeneration.” The general taunted as she removed her rapier from Alucard’s head. Much to her surprise, the wound healed almost instantly as her opponent gave a deep chuckle, revealing that he was somehow still alive.
“Is that so?” His grin grew further as his red eyes began glowing ominously. “Because given my track record thus far, I’d say my performance speaks for itself. Currently 13,000 soldiers dead, and their general soon to follow!”
Before Esdeath could give a response to this, she cried out as several sharp objects suddenly tore through her leg. Upon looking down, she found what was responsible: the vampire’s severed arm, somehow acting on its own as it held a smoking Jackal in its grasp. Then, somehow, the amputated limb began floating through the air, shooting back toward its owner’s stump. In less than a second, it had connected back with its former location, reattaching itself like nothing was wrong.
With a sadistic grin that rivaled Esdeath’s own, the former Impaler triumphantly spoke two words as he aimed the pitch-black gun at her head:
“Checkmate, Esdeath.”
With that, Alucard pulled the trigger, only for something confusing to happen. Just as the bullet released from its chamber, a thick wall of ice suddenly burst from the ground, shielding his target from what would have been certain death. The bullet exploded upon contact, causing the wall to crumble apart and hit the ground with a loud CRASH! As the boulder-sized chunks of ice began falling to the ground, Alucard noticed something that caused him to smirk. It was Esdeath, having managed to put some distance between them in spite of her wounded leg, which was now coated in a layer of ice that acted as some sort of makeshift cast.
Sporting a grin on her face, the cryokinetic quickly brought her arms together before spreading them out. Upon doing so, she released a shockwave that began to rapidly expand in size, cooling down and solidifying any air that entered its grasp. In less than a second, she had created five rows comprised of hundreds of razor-sharp blades of ice. These blades were the length of a javelin, and each one remained suspended in the air, almost as if she had some sort of telekinetic hold on them.
“Let’s see how you heal from this!” With that, the general thrust her hand forward, sending the hail of icicles hurtling toward the vampiric gunslinger. As they approached him, Alucard dealt with them the only way he knew how.
By walking toward it.
Each step was accompanied by the sounds of his leather riding boots audibly clacking against the ground, as well as that of flesh and muscle tearing apart as the ice-blades ran themselves through him. Within seconds, the vampire had been reduced to an undead pincushion, with not one part of his body having been spared. The combined weight of the spikes forced his hole-ridden form to its knees, with blood leaking from the wounds and quickly pooling beneath him. For a brief moment it seemed as though Esdeath had won, but then something happened that caused her to cock an eyebrow in surprise.
With an almost nonchalant air to it, Alucard’s mutilated body suddenly rose up and continued its walk, with the bloodied ice blades falling to the ground as if their target weren’t even there. Once they had all hit the concrete below, the now-spotless Nightwalker looked up at his blue-haired adversary with a mocking grin.
“Are you finished yet, ‘general?’ Or do you still wish to throw out some more of these worthless abilities?” The undead king asked her tauntingly.
“You shouldn’t assume that my Teigu is worthless just because one of technique failed to end your life. After all…” Esdeath placed her hand against the rooftop, her very touch being enough to coat its surface in ice. This frost spread rapidly until, within the span of three seconds, the entire building found itself coated from the roof all the way down to its foundations. “Much like you, I’m only just getting started! GRAUHORN!”
Upon shouting the technique’s name, a massive spike suddenly erupted from the frozen building and began hurtling toward her vampiric adversary at alarming speeds. But despite watching his oncoming demise draw closer with each millisecond, Alucard’s smile still remained. Just when it seemed that the building-sized construct was going to skewer him, the Grauhorn suddenly stopped in midair before tearing itself free from its bearings, earning a slightly intrigued “oh?” from its creator. Then, without missing a beat, Alucard used his telekinesis to reverse the icy stake’s position and threw it right back at her.
Upon witnessing the sight of her own construct being redirected, the cold-hearted bluenette merely responded with an amused smile before leaping into the air to avoid being impaled. This resulted in the icy mass instead colliding with the building, hitting the frozen structure with enough force that it was reduced to rubble upon making contact, with the ice spear crumbling soon afterward. As she landed, Esdeath looked up at Alucard with visible amusement still on her face.
“You’ve proven a rather interesting adversary. Most men would have laid down and died by now, yet you continue to push through and healed from my abilities without any issue. It’s enough to get me slightly invested. Who knows? I might even start taking this fight more seriously!” She admitted as her grin spread further. Upon hearing this, Alucard’s eyes lit up as he stared at her with intrigue.
“So you’ve been holding back all this time?” He questioned rhetorically before letting out a deep chuckle. “Well, let me tell you something. All this time, I’ve been doing much of the same! And now that I’ve seen just how strong you are, maybe it’s only fair that I start taking this seriously, too!”
Raising his arms, the Jackal and Casull suddenly vanished into shadow as Alucard brought his hands up, positioning them in a manner similar to that of a photographer trying to search for the perfect shot. Once he had found this metaphorical “shot,” Hellsing’s Trump Card began speaking aloud, with his voice echoing ominously throughout the street.
“Releasing Control Art Restriction Systems… Three… Two… One! Approval of situation ‘A’ recognized. Commencing the Cromwell invocation. Ability restrictions lifted for limited use until the enemy has been rendered silent…”
Upon finishing this chant, something happened that caused Esdeath’s expression to shift to confusion. Alucard’s skin and clothes were evaporating into the air, revealing what lay underneath. His body didn’t seem to possess any muscle structure, or even a set of organs. Instead, the vampire’s entire frame seemed to consist of only one thing: shadows. His entire body was now nothing more than a writhing, amorphous blob of pitch-black sludge. It wriggled around the area, quickly growing taller with each passing millisecond until it was finally equal in height to Alucard himself.
As it continued taking shape, a massive eye suddenly opened from its chest, its pupils a deep crimson. At the same time, the vampire’s head suddenly burst out of the shadowy form, a sadistic grin on his face as the black slime-like substance that was once his arm began stretching out and growing in size. Esdeath could only watch in surprise as the gargantuan extension began taking shape, starting with the formation of its mouth, which was comprised entirely of canine teeth. Its tar-like flesh then began leaking out from behind the teeth, quickly spreading out and forming a pair of purple lips that obscured the top half of the beast’s pearly whites. This was then followed by its eyes opening, revealing that its body was almost entirely covered by a legion of optics similar to the one on its master’s chest. Upon laying its eyes on her, the shadowy beast began drooling hungrily as it let out a low, demonic growl, its baritone voice making it sound something spawned from the depths of Hell itself.
Seeing the eldritch beast that salivated before her, the Jaeger’s leader gave a rather unimpressed look.
“So this is what you kept hidden? You have a Teigu that allows you to summon a Danger Beast to aid you in combat?” Esdeath asked as she stared at the hellhound.
“Oh, I can assure you, this power was not given to me by a ‘Teigu,’ nor is this creature I’ve summoned a ‘Danger Beast.’ This is the Hound of Baskerville, and judging by that hungry shine in his eye, I’d say he just found his next meal!” Alucard said, a psychotic grin on his face as the Hellhound rushed forward to tear into its pale-skinned prey.
“Whatever you call them, it doesn’t matter…” Esdeath declared with a light smirk as she leapt into the air, just barely managing to avoid Baskerville’s snapping jaws. The multi-eyed hound looked up and tilted its head in confusion as it witnessed its prey suddenly take flight.
This confusion was quickly replaced with anger as the monstrous dog leapt into the air, its jaws opened up to tear the airborne general in two. In response to this, the darwinist gave a brief grin as she began channeling ice into her hands before throwing them into the air. Within seconds, she had produced a massive sphere of ice, its size easily eclipsing the street they had been fighting on.
“…because in the end that hungry mutt of yours is nothing compared to the power I was granted by the Demon’s Extract!” She finished before chucking the meteor of ice as hard as she could. In response, the hellhound opened its mouth, revealing that inside of it was an arm covered in black clothing, holding the Jackal with its finger over the trigger. Though she was unable to see it, the general’s surprise was visible as the Hagelsprung was suddenly blown apart by several rapidly-fired shots from the black pistol.
As the giant chunks of ice began falling to the ground, Baskerville positioned itself so that it would land on the nearest piece. Upon making contact, the red-eyed canine almost immediately leapt onto the next one, and the one after that, and so on until it had finally made its way toward its prey. Once the dog’s jaws had opened, Esdeath, spotting what she believed to be a vulnerable spot in its mouth, thrust her rapier into the beast’s open maw, expecting her blade would successfully tear through the roof of its mouth. In a way, she was correct: her sword had managed to stab into the beast’s maw, but in the process it had also shattered like glass upon making contact with the surface.
Realizing her costly mistake, Esdeath attempted to remove her arm from Baskerville’s fanged muzzle, but the hellhound proved quicker to act as it bit down, tearing into her forearm and severing it with ease. Before its victim could react to her newfound amputation, the crimson-eyed monster suddenly tackled her to the ground, landing with enough force that Esdeath found herself involuntarily coughing up blood. She opened her eyes and, despite her blurred vision, saw that Baskerville’s mouth was open, intent on devouring her. In that moment, her nose became assaulted as the smell of thousands of rotting corpses suddenly filled the air. Despite the nausea she felt from this stench and the primal fear that came from the idea of being eaten, the Ice Queen managed to push these emotions aside and began formulating a counterattack. Placing her remaining hand against the ground, the cryokinetic forced a thick layer of ice to instantly coat the streets. Then, with the beast only inches from her face, she desperately shouted the name of her attack.
“GRAUHORN!”
Much like before, a massive spike of ice burst from the frozen terrain and shoved itself through the hellhound’s head, exiting out of the top of its skull almost immediately. In a desperate attempt to finish its job with what little time it had left, the beast began pawing at the ground in an attempt to move forward, but it was getting nowhere. An amused Esdeath got back to her feet and watched as the familiar’s struggles finally died, evidenced by its body going limp.
“How pathetic, but I suppose it only makes sense for a mindless savage to die so easily. After all, there’s no place in this world for a dog that refuses to follow its master’s orders!” She said, a smug tone in her voice as the spike retracted, allowing the Hound of Baskerville to collapse onto the ground. She didn’t enjoy this sense of triumph for long, though, as she noticed that its head was already in the midst of regenerating. In tandem with the immensely shrinking wound, the hound’s paws began to twitch, indicating that signs of life returning to it.
With a look of annoyance, the Empire’s Strongest reached out with her severed arm, summoning ice around the wound. In less than a second, the ice had formed itself into a different shape: one identical to her missing arm. With her new prosthetic in hand, the blue-haired sadist grinned as she grabbed hold of the beast’s head and uttered one command:
“Freeze!”
Upon the word leaving her mouth, Baskerville was immediately encased in a block of ice, unable to move an inch. Before the familiar could attempt to escape, its captor uttered another commandment.
“And now… shatter!”
Almost immediately, the ice casing surrounding the hellhound shattered like glass, each shard containing a small chunk of its frozen flesh. As the pieces scattered throughout the wind, Esdeath’s ears picked up the sound of slow, sarcastic clapping as leather riding boots clacked against the ground some distance behind her. Turning around, she found that the one responsible for these noises was Alucard, though his appearance had obviously changed.
Gone was his red overcoat and charcoal suit, now replaced by a black, leather jumper with several straps undone and flowing in the wind. In addition to this, his hair seemed to have extended, reaching down to his knees.
“Very impressive. Even after losing one of your arms, you were still able to kill Baskerville. And that determination! I haven’t seen such tenacity since I fought Anderson!” The bloodsucker then stopped clapping as his eyes began glowing bright red. “But there’s just one problem. You may have put up an entertaining performance against Baskerville, but he was only one of the many other beings that reside within me.”
“Other beings?” Esdeath repeated, sounding somewhat interested.
“Yes! Let me show you just what I mean!” Alucard declared with a manic grin. Quickly recomposing himself, the King of Vampires then exhaled deeply before speaking again, his voice becoming deeper and more commanding as it rang out through the Capital.
“I am the Bird of Hermes! Here standeth the Bird of Hermes…”
As he spoke, Alucard’s body began melting, becoming a puddle of crimson-and-black liquid that began spreading throughout the streets, beginning with the point where he had once stood and quickly spreading out from behind him. While the Capital was becoming submerged, the vampire’s voice still rang out, continuing the chant.
“Eating my own wings…”
The liquid began to stir and shift as human bodies slowly made their way out of the tar-like fluid, but these were not the bodies of the living. They all sported a pair of soulless red eyes and a mouth full of bloodied fangs, but that was where the similarities ended. Each of these undead, moaning horrors varied in terms of appearance. They ranged from Turkish soldiers, to armored knights, to Nazi soldiers, to horses, and even a few werewolves. Each one had readied itself with a weapon, be it razor-sharp claws, a lance, or a firearm. Upon making their way to the surface, all of these undead ghouls began standing at attention, almost as if they were awaiting the presence of a superior. They remained this way until the last of their battalion made its way to the surface. Just by looking at him, Esdeath could tell that this last one was their leader, as his appearance vastly contrasted with the rest of the undead horde that remained behind him.
His body was covered in medieval armor, with a tattered black cloak that fluttered in the wind. His face was covered in stubble, and his long, black hair reached down to his shoulders. Sheathed at his side was a massive broadsword that, when combined with his baleful glare, completed his intimidating image.
“…to keep myself tame!” The man spoke aloud, his voice containing a notable Romanian accent.
As she met the man’s gaze, Esdeath felt a chill go down her spine. It was as though the Devil himself was staring her in the face.
“What?! What are you?” The general questioned in fear. Upon hearing this, the man looked at her and spoke aloud, his voice echoing throughout the empty streets of the Capital.
“‘What am I?'” He repeated, a hint of a smirk momentarily appearing on his face. “Esdeath, the question is not what I am, but who. For the man you see before you is not Alucard! No, now you find yourself before the Wallachian voivode who held back the Ottoman empire! You face the man who brought countless innocent lives to an end only after they had endured entire days of torture! On this moonlit night, you face the Impaler himself…”
“Count Dracula!”
Upon hearing the vampire’s name, Esdeath took a step back as sweat began to drip from her forehead. Throughout her years in service to the Empire, she had been responsible for the deaths of thousands, be it directly or indirectly, even before she had become a general. Her reputation was enough that many would’ve considered her a harbinger of death and likely preferred suicide to the idea of facing her in battle.
Yet the man who stood before her was in a league of his own. Compared to him, she may as well have been a gnat. The very reputation of Vlad the Impaler was something that most would have been horrified by, and Esdeath was no exception. She looked around at these mindless, empty shells that slowly shambled toward her, but that was when something seemed to click within her. Whatever fear lay barren in her mind began to fade away, and the terrified expression on her face disappeared, quickly replaced by a nigh-visible smirk. While this occurred, Dracula’s voice began speaking, his words seemingly coming from within her mind.
“Do you see the futility of continuing to fight, Esdeath? Before, this was merely a one-on-one battle, but now you stand before an army of three million, four hundred twenty-four thousand, eight-hundred sixty-seven, all led under the iron-clad fist of the infamous Impaler himself!”
The general looking around at the rotted, decaying faces of the familiars that had once inhabited Dracula’s body. Each of these individuals had attempted to stand against the King of Vampires, and as their punishment they found themselves reduced to nothing more than lifeless puppets for the mad tyrant’s amusement.
“What shall you do now, general? I, Count Dracula, stand before you, my army having arrived onto the battlefield. Will you cast your fear aside and fight the Impaler? Will you dare to challenge the son of Satan himself? Or will you give in to your fear, choosing to run from this battle with your tail between your legs as you pray to whatever God you believe in that I will spare you my wrath? Tell me, Esdeath! WHAT! SAY! YOU! NOW?!”
As their master’s scream echoed throughout the streets, the undead army began to slowly advance, their nightmarish groans reaching Esdeath’s ears. But rather than step back in fear at these noises, the general instead did something unexpected: she took a step forward.
Seeing this, the army ceased its march as Dracula raised his eyebrow in confusion. With conviction in her eyes and a now visible smirk on her face, Esdeath continued walking toward the mass of ghouls, only stopping when she was 10 yards away from the now-quiet horde. Then, with her smirk growing into a psychotic grin, she spoke.
“What will I say? I’ll say this, Impaler. You’re mistaken if you think I have any reason to fear you. Honestly, the sight of you and your army isn’t striking any fear into me. If anything, I’m more excited than scared. In fact, if I’d known from the start that I was in the presence of such an infamous figure, I would have gone all out from the very beginning!” As she continued speaking, Esdeath’s smirk grew further in size. “And seeing how bold you were to send your army against me, I suppose it’s only fair that I do the same!” As the last word left her mouth, a thick layer of ice spread out from underneath her feet, coating the streets in a manner of seconds. From this layer of ice, some sort of creatures began clawing their way out of the frozen terrain.
They resembled armored centaurs, all of them identical in nature and wielding lances the length of their torsos. Their faces were obscured by armored helmets that bore the Empire’s symbol. Currently, each one stood at attention, waiting for their creator to give the word. Upon seeing that her army was now complete, the Ice Queen grinned as she instantly summoned a set of armor around herself. Rather than being composed of metal, however, it was instead crafted from extremely thick layers of ice, with everything save for her head being covered. With her army and newfound protection now at her side, the general was ready to go to war with the Impaler’s forces.
“Make no mistake, Dracula. I might not fear you, but that doesn’t mean I won’t take pride in this battle. After all, it’s not every day one has the opportunity to prove themselves in combat against a legend such as yourself.” Turning to her troops, she gave a single command: “CHARGE!”
As soon as the word left her mouth. the soldiers rushed forward, with Esdeath herself leading the charge on a horse created from ice. In response, the army of the damned began advancing as well, readying their claws, blades, and firearms to decimate the opposing faction. The two armies converged within a matter of seconds, and like that the Capital descended into chaos.
Almost immediately upon the collision, the centaurs’ front two rows began spreading out, using their lances to butcher, mutilate, or disembowel the vampires before trampling them underhoof and moving on to the next. While these were successful in slaughtering a few dozen each, they soon met their match in the forms of the familiars dressed in Nazi and SWAT uniforms. By utilizing their firearms, the former servants of the Major had proven successful in tearing their charging opponents to shreds. Their riot armor-clad companions, meanwhile, had used their massive shield to block the centaurs’ lances, shattering them like glass. The horsemen were soon to follow as the SWAT team began beating them into the ground, using their riot sticks to continuously beat their targets. Each swing further reduced the centaurs to chunks of ice, and whatever attempts the victim made to fight back was only met with further beatings.
This brutality would only come to an end when more centaurs came in and took advantage of the policemen’s exposed backs. Before the officers even had a chance to realize their mistake, they found themselves crushed into puddles of viscera as the constructs crushed them underhoof. With the SWAT officers taken out, the remaining centaurs spread out even further, reducing the army in size with a swift swing of their lance.
As their army dwindled in numbers, the familiars chose to fight back even harder, summoning the more artillery-heavy members to the front lines. While this was occurring, Esdeath continued her trek toward Dracula, having hijacked a horse from one of the dead jannisaries and using it to trample through whatever stood before her. While this was occurring, the Ice Queen had also taken the time to morph her hand into a broadsword and began hacking away at her surroundings, slicing through or impaling whatever familiars came close to her.
While the slaughter continued to grow in body count, a fourth of the familiars, realizing their rapidly lowering numbers, decided to switch targets and began focusing more on taking out Esdeath. Almost immediately, a cavalry of Wallachian knights raised their lances and charged forward, with their undead steeds galloping furiously as they attempted to intercept the general. Upon drawing closer, the familiars spotted a grin on their target’s face, accompanied by a murderous glint in her eye.
“You fell for it!” She declared before summoning a massive spike pillar out of ice and thrusting her arm forward. In an instant, she had hurled the massive structure like a javelin. As it continued its trek through the air, the Ice Blender began spinning like a top as it shredded through the zombies in its path, skewering them and reducing hundreds of ghouls to mutilated chunks of flesh and organs. With a clear path in front of her, Esdeath forced her horse to gallop as fast as it could. As the familiars began closing in to fill the gap left, the bluenette gave an annoyed grunt before raising both arms to her side, erecting two massive walls of ice. While these were able to stave off several dozen rows of the undead ghouls, they quickly realized this and began acting faster, piling on top of each other and beating against the ice with increasing intensity. While their persistence only served to annoy the general at first, her ears eventually alerted her to a sound that caused her blood to run cold.
CRUNCH! CRUNCH! CRUNCH!
It was the sound of her walls cracking apart beneath the familiars’ combined strength. The cracks began to rapidly spread before finally, with a deafening crash, the frozen barriers gave way, allowing the thousands of undead freaks to begin converging onto her current position. Before she could react, Esdeath found herself swarmed by thousands of familiars, each one piling onto her and muffling her cries of protest. Viewing this from a distance, Dracula sighed in disappointment.
“How disappointing. You showed such promise, but in the end you sti-“ Vlad’s laments suddenly cut off as Esdeath’s desperate scream filled the air once again.
”MAHAPADMA!”
The moment this word left her mouth, everything seemed to halt in place: the zombies, the centaurs, and even Dracula himself! The only one who didn’t seem to be under this spell was Esdeath herself, who was more than willing to use this small window of time she had to escape the clutches of the undead warriors. Once she had freed herself from their firm grip, the general leapt out from the file and, while still in midair, began conjuring a mist of ice around herself. This ice continued to grow in size, increasing until the cloud was finally the size of a building. Upon reaching this size, the frost began solidifying, allowing it to take on a new form.
From the looks of things, it seemed to be a new suit of armor, but when compared to her original armor, this one was different in every way. The new suit was larger and bulkier, with its structure being similar to that of a mech. Its body seemed to have been chiseled with an armor-like pattern, and its “face” was completely blank, allowing Esdeath’s grinning form to be seen from inside the suit.
With this icy mech suit now sculpted around herself, the Jaegers’ leader immediately charged forward, crushing dozens of familiars beneath her feet with each step she took. In tandem with these steps, she would swing her mech’s arms around, using the building-sized limbs to clear away entire rows of soldiers. Nearly 12 seconds later, the effects of Mahapadma wore off, and time began flowing once more.
Dracula’s eyes widened in surprise at what he was seeing. One nanosecond prior, it seemed that his familiars were about to tear Esdeath to shreds, but now thousands of his soldiers had been slaughtered. Not helping matters were the opposing army, as both the centaurs and their leader had continued slaughtering the survivors. Much to the vampire’s surprise and confusion, Esdeath had placed herself inside of a giant ice suit, one that was somehow unaffected by the steel balls and bullets being fired by his marksmen. This realization wouldn’t come to the familiars until it was too late, as they would only notice their mistake a few seconds before they were bowled over.
Realizing the futility of allowing his familiars to continue their assault, the voivode issued a telepathic command to the troops in Esdeath’s way: Scatter. These soldiers obeyed immediately, ceasing their pursuit and instead spreading out to form a clear path leading directly to their leader. The seemingly illogical action caused the mech pilot to raise her brow in surprise. For a brief moment she wondered why her opponent would do such a thing, and she would soon receive an answer, though not in a way she’d expected.
THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD!
The sound of something violently galloping toward her filled her ears, and the general soon found what it was: it was another hellhound, this one just as big as Baskerville. Currently, the multi-eyed beast had begun charging toward her, saliva running down its lips as it stared the general down. Once it had crossed half the distance, the canine lunged forward, its teeth bared as it prepared to tear into the blue-haired woman standing before it. Just before the beast could bear down, however, its would-be target suddenly reached out and grabbed hold of its muzzle. An annoyed snarl emerged from the familiar’s mouth, but this would soon change into a pained yelp as Esdeath drove her fist into its stomach. Then, to drive the point in further, the Empire’s Strongest summoned a spike from her mech suit’s hand, running the demonic canine through until the tip emerged from its back. Despite the pain caused by its impalement, the nightmarish canine stretched out its paws in a final, pathetic attempt to claw at its prey.
“Even in the face of death, you still continue fighting? Tch. Disgusting mutt! Weaklings like you should learn their place!” Esdeath started as she retracted the spike, forcing the hound to collapse onto the ground with a loud THUD! Then, after raising one foot into the air, she continued, “Beneath the heels of your superior!”
With this declaration, the blue-haired sadist brought her leg down, crushing the familiar’s skull into a black-and-crimson paste. The fallen animal’s corpse didn’t even have time to run cold before its killer desecrated its body. How, you might wonder?
By slamming her bloodstained foot into its underbelly, kicking with enough force that its body flew through the air, taking out hordes of familiars in the process!
The sight of this was enough that Dracula’s eyes widened in surprise. This woman- just how far was she willing to go? Taking his eyes off her for a brief moment, the count noticed the progress she and her army had been making. In only a few minutes, this woman and her legion of centaurs had managed to tear through a sixth of his familiars. While her own army had taken a few hits, it was nothing compared to the combined body count they had managed to rack up. This realization caused an annoyed frown to appear on the vampire’s face, and another thought soon followed it:
“With how much they’re progressing, it seems I might need to call in the bigger guns.” As these words escaped his lips, two pairs of eyes suddenly opened up from within his body. The first one shone a bright gold, piercing through the otherwise pitch-black sky. The second, while not as bright, still glowed a rich shade of blue.
Back with Esdeath, she was still in the midst of continuing her crusade against the undead army. Her plated foot crushed yet another batallion of ghouls under her heel, reducing their bones to dust and their insides to viscera. While the vomit-inducing sounds of their deaths came to her ears, however, the general took note of another sound.
FWEEEEEeeeeeeee…
It was akin to a high-pitched whine, one that seemed to be coming from her left. Shifting her gaze toward its direction, she found that the noise was coming from some sort of blur hurtling through the air, constantly bending its trajectory and tearing through rows of her men like glass. Within the time it would’ve taken a man to blink, the mysterious projectile had shot through 20 of the centaurs before suddenly making a b-line for Esdeath herself. Despite barely having any time to react, the general still managed to raise her arm just in time to defend against the speedy blur.
CHK!
The item embedded itself into the mech’s forearm, creating a series of cracks in the suit’s “armor.” Upon looking closer, Esdeath saw what had almost ended her life: it was a bullet, one that was still smoking from being fired. Before she could voice a response to this, five more items flew toward her, each one stabbing into the armor and causing more cracks to spread through the limb’s structure. For a brief moment, she was able to see what had pierced her armor’s hull: a deck of 22 cards, all of them razor-sharp. Once that moment had passed, something unexpected happened. The cards flashed for a split second before suddenly bursting into a massive column of flame and smoke. In tandem with this, the mech’s chestplate cracked open before shattering like glass, exposing its pilot to the elements. Esdeath responded to the sudden burst of heat and smoke by gritting her teeth, quickly bringing up her left arm in an attempt to shield herself from any major burns. While in the midst of defending, her ears could pick up the sound of something above the crackle of flames. It seemed to be a woman’s voice, and this mysterious voice had called out one thing:
“Perfect! Now hold her still, just like that!”
BANG!
FWEEEEEeeeeeeee…
Another bullet suddenly emerged from the smokescreen, barreling toward Esdeath’s visible form. Out of instinct, the cryokinetic attempted to raise her mech’s arm, but she quickly found that, for whatever reason, the armor refused to respond to her commands. Looking down at the fading smoke, she soon realized why that was: in addition to its chest, the explosions had completely destroyed her suit’s left arm, while the right had been shattered up to its elbow. Now aware of these major disadvantages, the Ice Queen looked back up to see that the bullet was heading toward her at breakneck speeds. In a last ditch effort to protect herself, Esdeath placed her hand against the armor’s surface, summoning a thick layer of ice in front of herself just as the bullet was inches away from colliding with her skull.
As the smoke was just beginning to clear up, the sound of a slug making contact with something filled the air, causing the two familiars near the armor to break out into nightmarish grins.
”Well, it seems that’s the end of that.” The baritone voice of Tubalcain “Dandyman” Alhambra announced as he absentmindedly twirled a playing card between his fingers. “Bit of a shame, really. We get called out just as the fun stops.”
“True. I expected more from someone who managed to push Alucard into unleashing us.” Rip van Winkle lamented as she placed her musket over her shoulder.
”Well, you’re in luck.” A familiar voice called out, causing the familiars to look back in shock. “Because after all that…” she cut herself off for a moment to leap through the air, hitting the ground with no issue at all. Quickly standing back up, Esdeath looked at the two minions with a hungry glint in her eye as she continued speaking. “I’m still ready to give it my all!”
”What?! How did you-” Rip’s questions suddenly died in her throat as Esdeath flicked the sniper’s own bullet back at her. The round immediately tore through her skull, causing an explosion of blood, bones, and brains to paint the ground. Despite this, the Nazi was somehow still alive, as evidenced by her choked gasps and the gurgling of blood escaping her lips. The sight of this was enough that it caused her attacker to sigh in annoyance.
“It’s rather irritating how none of you creatures seem willing to accept death.” She said aloud before firing off a spike of ice from her prosthetic. The shard hit its target almost immediately, slicing through van Winkle’s neck and decapitating her with ease. As she watched this, the general, despite seemingly not paying her surroundings any mind, raised her right hand. The instant she did so, a wall of ice suddenly emerged from beneath the ground, stopping the Dandyman’s next assault mid-flight. Then, with nothing more than a thought, she forced it to explode outward, sending each card back to its sender at supersonic speeds. The zoot suit-clad vampire didn’t even have the proper time to react. All he saw was a brief flash, immediately followed by each card impaling a vital spot in his body and exploding into a massive cloud of fire.
Upon seeing the charred, smoldering remains of her attempted killer, Esdeath simply let out a scoff before returning her attention to the rest of Alucard’s army. Most of them were still busy fighting her centaurs, and the sounds of screaming ghouls followed by violent galloping seemed to suggest that she was still taking the lead. Speaking of galloping…
WHUMPWHUMPWHUMPWHUMPWHUMPWHUMP
The sounds of thousands of feet trampling against the ground filled her ears, causing the darwinist to shift her attention toward its direction. Upon doing so, she was met with the sight of nearly 12,000 familiars either rushing toward her at top speed or firing their weapons at her previously distracted form.
Wallachian knights were riding on horseback, readying their lances so they might impale her through her vital organs. Ottoman janissaries were firing their muskets as fast as possible. Letzte battalion soldiers were firing as well, emptying their magazines and filling the area with an array of projectiles. Yet despite the onslaught of undead rushing toward her, Esdeath’s face wasn’t one of fear. It was one of psychotic jubilation!
“Yes! That’s perfect! Now you can all meet your maker together!” She shouted as she pressed her hands against the ground, summoning a massive construct directly in front of her. It was wide enough to serve as one of her previously established walls, though there was something about this one that was completely different. This was growing further in size, to the point where it dwarfed the other buildings in the Capital by miles. With each inch it grew, something in the massive construct began to grow outward, reaching almost as far as the tree had. To a normal person, this would’ve been an obvious sign that they should get away while they still could, but the familiars seemed unable to recognize these signs as they continued running forward. This relentless assault would only cease when the ghouls felt a massive shadow loom over them, causing their bloodlusted expressions to falter and become ones of confusion. Slowly, the vampiric soldiers began to look up, and once they had they found something that made their blood run cold.
Staring them in the face were hundreds of mangled, crystalline extensions, each one the length of a building. These terrified looks would only grow in size as thousands of spikes extended out from the branches, all of which then began to pour down.
A chorus of terrified screams and flesh being torn asunder echoed throughout the streets as legions of Weissschnable rained out of the tree, striking down any of the hapless vampires that stood in its way. Any attempts at escape were only met with a more violent downpour of spikes, furthering the massive death toll by the thousands with each passing second.
As she watched this from behind her massive barrier, Esdeath couldn’t help but give a sadistic grin. The soldiers’ screams, the sounds of their flesh being pierced by her ice, and now the new addition of her soldiers joining in this mass butchering… it was nothing short of beautiful. Truly, there existed no other sight as majestic as the weak perishing before their superiors!
While she was in the middle of enjoying the view, however, she noticed something odd. Dracula was nowhere to be seen! Her eyes widening in surprise, the general attempted to put her guard up, but she was too late.
”A bit slow on the uptake, general?” The sound of her opponent’s baritone voice called out from behind her. Esdeath attempted to turn toward its direction, but this was soon cut off as she felt a sharp pain enter into her back. The sadist’s eyes shrank to the size of pinpricks as she opened her mouth, involuntarily coughing up flecks of blood in the process. Dracula’s blade was sticking out of her, its tip visibly extending out of her stomach. Looking back, she met her opponent’s gaze and found herself staring into the Count’s cold, dead eyes. The two leaders stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, and then-
SCHLICK!
Dracula ripped his stuck broadsword from her abdomen, causing blood to spray out from the wound and onto the concrete below. His unfortunate victim then lurched over, the pain causing her to fall onto one knee.
“Get up. You and I both know that something as minor as a stab wound won’t keep you down!” The Count pointed out to her.
”You’re right about that, but at the same time…”
As it turned out, Esdeath had recovered faster than he expected, as she had already formed a blade out of her icy prosthetic and charged toward him with the intent to drive it through his shoulder. An audible CLANG echoed throughout the bloodstained streets as their blades collided.
”…you should know not to underestimate your opponent!” She finished as they fought against each other’s strength. Their legs tensed for a brief moment as they continued putting more force into their push. It seemed that this struggle was destined to go on for an eternity, but this would soon change as Esdeath raised one leg and drove her stiletto into the vampire’s kneecap. The moment it made contact, Dracula’s pupils shrank as his opponent’s high heel audibly split his knee in two. A bloodcurdling scream bubbled up from the voivode’s throat, but upon opening his mouth all that emerged was a choked gasp. The pain forced him to one knee as his sword arm faltered, leading Esdeath to grin as she forced her own blade forward.
SQUELCH!
The blade stabbed through the back of Dracula’s shoulder, striking with enough force that his rotator cuff was split in two. The Nightwalker’s pupils shrank even further as a pain like trillions of razors ran through his head, causing him to let out a pained cry. Eager to hear more, his tormentor wrenched her arm in even further through the shoulder, each centimeter adding to the intensity of his screams. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Esdeath had finished slicing through the vampire’s right arm, amputating it and sending it to the ground with a disgusting SPLAT!
Before Dracula could breathe, pain once again clouded his mind as Esdeath drove her bloodied sword into his right leg, with its tip exiting his calf. Removing her prosthetic, the psychotic woman then delivered a heavy kick to the voivode’s leg, shattering the bone and forcing him onto his already split knee. Before he could muster the strength to attempt to get back up, a sharp pain suddenly entered into his body, and upon looking down, he found what it was. Esdeath’s sword-arm had become embedded in his stomach, now coated in his own blood.
With a delighted grin on her face, Esdeath swiftly ripped her sword out, coating the battleground a deeper crimson. But even as he collapsed onto the ground, laying in a puddle of his own blood, Dracula’s body, for whatever reason, continued regenerating.
The lacerations on his stomach and knee had begun healing, his amputated limb was slowly regenerating, and even his bones had started snapping back in place. But even with all of this progress, his body could no longer withstand the injuries, and it simply… stopped. This was the best he could do. After the energy he had wasted, he couldn’t regenerate anymore, nor could he muster up the strength to fight any further. Instead, all he could do was weakly look up at Esdeath.
“Have… have I been… beaten?” He questioned, his voice barely above a whisper as blood dripped from his mouth. The general watched this sight with a look of smug superiority adorning her face. Then, after a few seconds of deafening silence, she answered.
“Yes. That’s how it would appear, Dracula.”
”Then this is how it ends, is it? Living a life of bloodshed and conquering, only to die in the slums of a corrupt regime?” He asked, a sigh escaping his lips for a brief moment as he closed his eyes. After a brief second, his expression lifted, becoming a sad smile. “Well, it doesn’t matter. In the end, I got what I wanted.”
”And what would that be?” Esdeath asked, sounding somewhat puzzled by his words. At hearing this, the vampire’s sad grin only grew wider.
”All this time, I had wanted nothing more than to die at the hands of a human. That was the one thing I had desired throughout this pitiful life I’d led. I’ll admit I hadn’t expected for my executioner to be a woman, but that hardly matters anymore. You’ve proven yourself, Esdeath. You’ve shown me that you had the conviction to push through my familiars, to give me the type of fight I haven’t had in centuries!” Weakly, the Nightwalker raised his arm, gesturing for her to come closer. “Now come! Give me that which I’ve desired for so long! End the life of the monster that lays before you!”
As these words echoed through her mind, the Ice Queen’s expression grew, becoming that of a bloodthirsty grin as she stepped forward and raised her biological hand to chest-level.
“If that’s truly what you desire, Dracula, then I will be more than willing to grant your wish.” She declared before thrusting it forward, tearing through the armor and opening a cavity in the vampire’s left pec. Then, after grabbing hold of it, Esdeath tugged as hard as she could, severing the Impaler’s heart from his body and leaving a trail of blood. As she held the beating organ in her hand, she looked back to see Dracula, who had begun violently coughing up blood. But even as the blood began gurgling through his neck, the voivode managed to choke out one last message to the opposing general.
“Thank… you…” The Impaler said gratefully as he fell onto his back, his body going limp before it even hit the pavement. In tandem with his descent, all of the king’s familiars began to cry out in pain as their bodies were engulfed in a mysterious black flame. This fire ate away at their very being, leaving no sign of their existence outside of the bloodied ground where they once stood. Within the span of three seconds, Dracula’s army had been completely wiped out, and with it, the general’s victory was ensured. As this realization came to her, Esdeath gave a pleased grin before looking down at the deceased monarch.
“No, Dracula. I should be the one thanking you.” She said as she began applying pressure to the severed organ, continuing to squeeze until finally-
SPLRTCH!
-the heart was crushed in her grip, drenching her hand and the street beneath it a deep crimson.
“Because thanks to you I now realize that not even history’s greatest tyrant can hope to challenge the Empire’s might!” She finished, a psychotic grin still adorning her face.
———————————–
Now I see why they call Alucard the “No-Life King.” With how gruesome that death was, there’s definitely no way he would’ve lived either way! Anyway, let’s move onto my explanation before some Alucard fanboys start calling for my blood.
From the start, this fight was pretty clear cut. In terms of physical stats, Esdeath outclassed Alucard in every way. At best, Alucard would cap out at City Block Level due to surviving the Blackbird crashing.
As for Esdeath, she’s relatively easy to figure out. Since she’s considered the strongest person in the Empire, she would naturally be above the likes of Budo, one of her troops who is considered a lower-ranking threat than her. Budo was strong enough to create a massive storm over a coliseum, which would come out at 2.19 Gigatons. Additionally, her status as the Empire’s strongest would put her above Shikoutazer, which can produce a blast that yields 1.29 teratons of TNT. Keep in mind that this is without covering the power boost granted by Ice Storm Commander In-Chief. During this attack, Esdeath summons a storm that covers a significant portion of the planet, to the point where it’s visible from space. By comparing this storm’s size to that of the Earth, this means Esdeath would need to output 6.4 zettatons of TNT in order to create it.
Speed is another point where Esdeath outclasses him. Alucard’s best feat came from when he avoided Rip van Winkle’s bullets, which are calculated to move anywhere from Mach 33 to Mach 109. This is impressive, but Esdeath’s fast enough to dodge these lightning bolts from Budo during her fight with Akame. Given the distance they were from the lightning and the speed of lightning, this feat would come out at Mach 825.5. That said, it should be noted there are several issues with the calc, such as how it measures the bolts in a straight line rather than their actual path; but even with this downgrade, Esdeath would still hold a massive speed advantage over Alucard.
So Esdeath takes the stat trinity pretty handily. What about the other categories?
Well, Alucard has the superior experience since he’s anywhere from 500 – 600 years old and has fought in multiple battles over the centuries. That said, most of that time was spent locked away by the Hellsing Organization, so the experience gap might not be that large. In terms of intelligence, both have served high-ranking positions and served as the leaders for their respective armies, so it’s possible they’d be roughly even safe in this regard.
Arsenal is also something the vampire takes. Esdeath only has a rapier, while he wields the Jackal, Casull, and a longsword once he reaches Level 0. Speaking of which, let’s move on to the next category: their powers.
When looking at these, it’s pretty safe to say that Alucard had the edge in variety. He had shapeshifting, intangibility, telekinesis, telepathy, hemokinesis, mind control, and regeneration. In theory, this would be enough to give Esdeath a hard fight, but there are several problems with this reasoning. For starters, Alucard never really uses most of his powers when fighting someone. His love of a good fight prevents him from doing anything like that. Even if he did try to use these, Esdeath’s immense willpower would allow her to resist or see through his more mental-related abilities, and her massive speed advantage makes it unlikely he’d be able to do so in the first place. His regeneration, while tough enough to keep him in the fight, would only delay his fate, and it didn’t help that Esdeath could just bypass it by freezing him directly. Not even going Level 0 and siccing his familiars on her would do him any good. If anything, it would actually hurt him since not only would he lose his potent healing factor, but Esdeath’s powers were basically the perfect counter to his army.
Attacks like Weissschnabel, Hagelsprung, Grauhorn, Ice Tree, and Ice Blender granted her a massive AOE to thin out the familiars. She could defend herself by crafting shields, walls, ice armor, or the ice mech suit (with the last one also giving her more firepower). Her ability to fly gave her better mobility, she could create a prosthetic limb in the unlikely event Alucard or his familiars get a lucky shot in, and create new blades for herself in the event that she loses her rapier. Then there are her Trump Cards, all of which would screw Alucard and his men over. The Ice Calvalry allows Esdeath to even the odds against them, Mahapadma grants her the ability to freeze time (which would be even more dangerous because of her superior speed), and then there’s her ultimate ability: Ice Storm Commander In-Chief.
While the amount of time it takes to charge means it’s highly unlikely she could use it in a battle (hence why it didn’t show up in the fight above), let’s assume for the sake of argument that she managed to perform it without the time constraint. Once she did that, this fight was hers. With it active, a chunk of the planet would be covered by a massive blizzard (which would greatly reduce Alucard’s familiars due to the cold), and Esdeath’s powers would constantly be recovering, meaning she could essentially spam her AOE attacks until she finally wiped them all out.
And before anyone tries to point it out in the comments, I’ll just bring it up right now: no, the outcome wouldn’t change if I gave Alucard Schrödinger. For starters, he can only use Schrödinger after getting rid of his familiar army, which would rid him of his healing factor and his advantage in numbers. Schrödinger-Alucard also never exhibits any of Schrödinger’s abilities on screen, meaning all he has to go off of is speculation. Even if I decided to say screw it and gave him all of Schrödinger’s abilities, it wouldn’t change the verdict at all. Esdeath would still hold a massive edge in strength and durability, to the point where none of Alucard’s attacks would realistically hurt her. The final nail in the coffin is that even if Alucard did have all of Schrödinger’s powers, he wouldn’t use them in the first place. Alucard’s main desire is to be killed by a human, and despite her sadism and cruelty, Esdeath is still human at the end of the day. Because of this, it’s likely Alucard would be willing to fight fair and would allow himself to die once she gained the upper hand. And the massive gap in strength and durability between them ensures that her gaining the upper hand is a matter of when and not if. Her cryokinesis would also help her chances due to the versatility of her attacks and their massive AOE.
In short, Alucard’s regeneration, superior experience, and better arsenal would let him last for quite a bit, but Esdeath’s superior physicality, comparable intellect, and wider variety of hax gave her the win.
Once Alucard felt the chill of defeat, he just didn’t have the heart to keep the fight going.
The winner is Esdeath.
Esdeath (Winner)
+ Took the stat trinity by miles
+ Cryokinesis gave her better versatility
+ Massive AOE of her attacks meant she could clear through Level 0 with little issue
+ Ability to freeze people just by thinking about it could counter Alucard’s regeneration
+ Could counter Level 0’s numbers with the Ice Calvalry
+ Better defensive options
+ Mahapadma, when combined with her superior speed, spelled doom for Dracula
+ Ice Storm Commander In-Chief could easily wipe out Level 0
– Though its heavy amount of charge time makes it unlikely she’d be able to use it
+ Better mobility
+ Even without her abilities, her superior physicality meant the familiars were just cannon fodder
= Intelligence
= Their desire to face a worthy opponent would lead to both prolonging the fight
– Not as experienced
– Smaller arsenal
– Less variety in terms of powerset
Alucard (Loser)
+ More experienced
+ Larger arsenal
+ Had more variety in terms of powerset
– But it’s not in-character for him to use the haxxier ones in a fight
+ Regeneration could keep him in the game for a bit
– Though Esdeath had the means to bypass it
= Intelligence
= Their desire to face a worthy opponent would lead to both prolonging the fight
– Outclassed in the stat trinity
– Inferior defensive options
– Esdeath had far superior hax, and was more willing to use them
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